A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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