And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
