Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
nutella sex= disaster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
