OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ugly people sure do ruin things
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
