i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
