Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
