hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
