The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
