I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
