on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
