The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
