just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
