Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
