my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
