I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Having a random hookup so left but love u
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
