Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
