He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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