Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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