Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
