Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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