I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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