i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
