how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
