so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
