I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
