If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
