I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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