I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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