Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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