what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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