Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
