it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
