your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
