It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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