I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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