I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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