I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
