i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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