garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
