i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
