The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
