I looked at my own cervix.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
