Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
