so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
