No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
