I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
