woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
