Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
