remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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