dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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