wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
