I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
