i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
