So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
